Hope

I have been thinking about hope a lot lately.Pandora's box hope she keep .I also think about when i was young a lady had a hope chest her family would help her add things to it for when she got married .Is this what happened to Pandora she was given in marriage to her worse nightmare? Now me being me I never got a hope chest as only a virgin could have one and being raped the first time at 9 even i knew from the book my mom read to us every night i was now unworthy ,Sad she never knew to ask me what happened that day she had to rush to work never to know the horror i lived .She was so blind to our pain living in her own.Hope is all we really have in life and when Hope keeps getting torn from you .When is it ok to give up .When is it ok to stop the healing you have been trying to do for years ?When can you stop believing and it not be a sin?I think I'll ask God on this one if he will speak with me or Mother earth she has warm earth to lay in .People say be the change you want but how long can you be that change how long can you walk it talk it be it before you relies no mater how well you try others like messing with your mind your heart and get some kind of sick pleasure from tearing you down even when you have never really tried to harm any one.Maybe i should have lied to everyone never been honest been all the things i never could like .Maybe if i can been a cold uncaring money grubbing whore life would have been better Maybe if i had been cold and cruel to everyone and as underhanded as so many have become cruelty would not hurt me .I doubt it to be honest as i can only be me and me i will stay and people will keep doing what they do and hope will fade away as in all things faith is all i have left. I hope this country will wake up I hope none will ever have to suffer rape or being treated like property to be beat and disrespected by the ones they love and thought they loved them .I hope still humans can learn to be honest with there caring mates in all things as i found out what you do not know can hurt you and if they do not care in truth they will harm you .I do know it took over 5 years to heal my body this much wonder how long it will take now i have stopped all things that keep me stable?When hope finally dies inside does the body go just as fast so my tired lonely soul can rest?Why is it when i have a good day and can do things everyone's to busy but when im so sick and dizzy is when they want me to come out and play?Why can't people be understanding you do not have to look sick when you are well one thing is im lucky my kidneys have held out so well.Now im tried with out my hope and in my Faith I know God will forgive me as they changed the words of a book to control you not to help you sad so many can not see that.