Trust

Trust is a thing hard to give at times but to learn to be trusting as a child and open for me was really easy to start with.Once i discovered i did not even know me besides when im able i like to help i used to love to make wonderful things and give them away sometimes sell but 99% time it was in truth less then the time or even the cost of what i made i lost the ability to craft in joy when i started learning real world politics and how cruel people in chat rooms and even people i knew could be and they say it was all in fun to know someone had trusted in a false friendship false words false names false false false!!!!How is hurting someone fun? I had to relearn so much and learn things for first time like i had to relearn to read when i was 13 as ill just call him the bad man 2 beat me so bad crushed part my skull in and i don't really remember much past them for a few months. I do remember when my Great Aunt had to pay for them to fly me back to place i was raised i was told i had to go with this lady.I was so used to being told or harmed by then i went.Come to find out this was my mom who had lost me by bad man #1 months before i also found out i had 2 brothers and a little sister.I stopping knowing anything from the time i was taken all i could remember was somehow I had lost months i wanted everything to be normal again but it could not as i was not normal any more i could not rad i remember doing it but could not my mom tried to get me help i think but no help came just life and gun shots threw windows at me so i left to survive and keep them safe as by this time i had remembered some .I remember family is to be keep safe so i left . i survived many years on the streets i tryed going back home but it was something that could not be my older brother did not want me around he had come to hate me my sister i think who i had become was not her much loved lost forever older sister my little bro i really never got to know him after that .Surviving does not make for a great proud of sister or friend to many. Truth of how i was being trusting to friends cost me friends but where they really ever a friend .I have very few friends left in life i talk to face to face i can count on less then 1 hand my last life long friend died 13 days after he went back home after he talked me into there drugs and stopping my herbs i come very close to dieing but then i was almost dead haha in body. Now my body has all but healed in brain and in liver do i fix it with the herbs and foods from Mother earth or is it time to allow a tired soul to rest but slowly sense self destruction is now illegal we own nothing thought police action police freedom police all fallowing there dream to keep us safe with laws changing so fast they cant even keep up any more nothing is free no more it all cost i pray this cost someone or many to wake up and smell the pollution of souls ,brains and body's. Because when very small my brain had learned to self protect my spirit self i had what is now called a personality disorder Disassociate disease.Back when everyone but me knew it, it was called multiple personalty disorder seams when my exhusband meet one he desired i needed counseling so i went. How long i cant remember but it did help me realize something was wrong with me .So i did my best to heal my mind. One day it just stopped i went threw over 6 months of self walking memory hell flash backs from all ages all times of my past some so horrible i was put to my knees. People have asked why i put this junk here where the world can read it why is because one day someone will read it and they will find there not alone as i now have learned to feel. I was not really lonely for so long then in last few months it hit me so hard why i go to chat rooms why i learn why i do anything is so i can learn to have friends so maybe 1 day i could find a dream of a soul-mate but its just a dream for me for some i get a great happiness watching there life long friendship of there true soul-mate. I now learn who i am for my inner happiness.Trust is so much trust is self is most important why i was able to do a lot of healing i trusted i knew what herbs from Mother earth could and would heal me if i fallowed the hard path to healing now most of me is healed besides a few galls stones and part of my liver it ws way worse .Do you believe i don't care any more. My doctor does cause she has the paper proof of science but not all the how i did it that will probably go with me to my grave.She does know the main herbs tho so it is in her hands as my hands and legs are tired so is my soul. Trust yes i trust hell is on Earth and Heaven is on Mother earth also you see the soul never leaves the place of its creation. The body changes the Earth slowly becomes out of balance and i trust the balance will be restored by humans i dont have that much faith in human kind any more once i learned politics more and not the people but the controlling part and the cooperate part it has what has slowly brought me here .Trust how can you how can we .Trust and love are the highest spiritual need food clothing water are the body's need to surviving. This i learned well and im tired . I do trust tho herbs can be used to heal as well as kill as i know same with some science medicines they can help you heal or they will slowly or fast make you sicker or kill you. When your bred to be a survivor is this all you will ever be able to do or do you slowly learn to trust again and when you do and its broken with truths of the lies of words and never a action in trust is it time to stop surviving and allow science to have your body to experiment on na ill be cremated at least then i can become dust in the wind. be safe walk in peace allways sonshine I may never be the same again i may not even have this name who knows i don't right now im not even sure what my name is any more.